Get your head in the game

I need to plan, focus and do my best to complete the goal. Must try my best!

Body Memory

I move into a new room that looks exactly like the one that I had for 2 years. The only difference is that in my previous room, theres a half foot high flooring (like a platform) so I used to sort of expecting a slight body lift up and down whenever I leave and enter the room. The new room that I'm currently living looks exactly the same, except that the floor has got no platform.

I left my old room about 2 years ago but right now my body is behaving the way it used to when I stayed in my old room. I've been telling myself that the floor is flat, no need to raise my feet higher to enter the room for I will not slip on anything but it still did when I walk by. I ended up almost falling everytime; on an even, solid, flat floor. I was so used to my old room's flooring that my current self is reverting back to my old habit. I was trying to climb up so when when me feet hit the floor, nothing's there and I feel like I've just fallen from a starcase.

I used to bleh and yeah right when people talk about "doing something because I'm so used to it without realizing it" but now I am experiencing it.

I guess the body has a mind of its own, remembering things that we subconsciously are unaware of~

Sleeping Monster

The craziest thing happened today. Let me backtrack a bit. It all began last night when I was completing my part for a group work assignment. I stayed up all night and managed to get it done. I was in charge of collecting and editing and proofreading the final version of our paper, so I waited and waited for everyone to complete and send it to me.

I was so tired, and fighting to stay awake.

Then I opened my eyes. I was 6 hours past the due date/time of the said assignment. I sat on my bed silently, deciphering what just happened and then it hit me. I am so DEAD!!! I checked my mail and everything's there, completed, and I am the one who literally haven't done my duty yet. I started to panic and my mouth endlessly spouted unintelligible curses while thinking of a solution. What solution, anyway? The ship has sailed, the flight has flown. I almost cried and breakdown at the very moment but I managed to gather the courage to call my teacher.

As much as I tried to keep calm, my voice did betray my nervousness, guilt and mostly; fear. I didn't think lying is a good idea, because I'm gonna need to keep up with the lie and that's tiring, so I simply tell my teacher the truth (with my over the top freak out mode voice~ almost cried) and lucky me; my teacher is cool enough to allow me to submit it the day after. I was so engulfed with relief, and my teacher even asked me to calm down. (I must've sounded very panic, obviously). Crisis averted.

I simply got everything ready first; editing and proofreading and printing so that I can just go and submit the day after without any hassle. Learn from your mistake, honey. Don't wait to print on last minute. Something WILL go wrong. That's just the rule of last minute assignment. LOL~ Later that night I met my group members for supper and I told them about the "drama" earlier this evening. They're all speechless at first, then some yelling and "friendly" slap and punch on the back and my arm, and finally, I was laughed at the whole time we were at the round table (while eating). They said that its no longer appropriate to call me "Sleeping Beauty", instead I was bestowed another title; "Sleeping Monster".

Dream

I had a dream. In my dream, I even hated the person I hate in real life. Continuity~

Burn Notice

They said if you're scared of getting burnt, don't play with fire. I played with one; and I'm really scared right now~

Psycho Pass

I think in my whole life, this is the one and only anime that I waited patiently for it to air and watch diligently week by week. I'm the marathon type usually, but the experience of watching this show is just so different... (and I only write about it now. lol) I was hooked on the very first episode and it continues until the end of the series. iTs just soooooooo~ cool. and I like the first and second ED song so much.

Sleepless Nights

I 've become a nocturnal! I slept the whole day; and stay up the whole night. What do I do? *Sigh*

Pretty Little Liars

I guess when you tell a lie and stick to it long enough, it'll become the truth to everybody else. But to you, it'll stay a lie. Forever

I you don't try...

The result will always be negative. If you try, chances are; there might be positive result. I shouldn't have hesitated; but I did anyway. So, when I got a positive answer, I am immensely happy. Absolutely happy. =)

Because sometimes I just can't see

"May Allah SWT have mercy on the man who shows me my faults"

Umar Al - Khattab

Nocturne

Tonight's lullaby. I think I screwed up my test. Bummer~ I pray I won't fail. I don't wish to repeat any paper~ T_________________________T

Song performed by Ha Yeon Soo & Kang Ha Neul from the 2nd episode of Monstar

Just the perfect melancholic performance for this moment...

First world problem

I bought a book last week. It's George RR Martin's A Dance with Dragon.

I wanted to read it badly~

But I've got several papers to be completed. Dang~ Just my luck.

Wait for it, book. We're going to have a lengthy date soon...

Mean Girl

I feel evil. I brag. I boast. I look down. I am mean. I am insincere. I think I'm better.

A pair of shoes and expiry dates

I bought a pair of good shoes and started on a job; and when I started doing it, I am not sure whether I should continue doing it or walk away. But I already bought a shoes; and I won't be using that shoes anywhere else except the job. So I told myself, I'll do this job until this shoes' sole is ruined.

I kept true to my word.

One fine day on the job, I noticed that the there's a hole on the sole of the left shoe. I noticed it because I was walking in the rain, so to speak. So, I decided to leave job that night.

I then noticed how there's a similarity to my situation and Mr. Magorium in Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium; that things that has a start will have an end. He was on his final pair of shoes, and he's bought enough to last a lifetime. In my case; the pair of shoes is my indicator of how how long I'm staying.

I think my view on a job is like Mr. Magorium.I gave myself enough time to test myself, to prove my worth and to leave when I need to.

My time is up. I am already gone. Goodbye job.

Hans in luck

Today, I am him. God has made things move smoothly for me, and I was given a solution the moment I asked for it. I am indeed loved and blessed. Alhamdulillah; Allah SWT is indeed the Greatest and the Most Merciful

Resting

I slept; but I don't feel rested. That makes sense? I don't know. I lie down in bed for hours not being able to actually sleep.

I need rest. However, sleeping is not the answer.

Dear B1A4

So, a few days back I joined a contest on facebook. Its not over yet but I've been wanting to share this so much because it meant something to me at a personal level~ LOL

It was my first experience ever to join such thing on facebook. I have never been a fan of contest; because I know that I rarely got lucky with this kind of thing...

So the thing that I had to do was kind of simple. 
1. Get people to like the page https://www.facebook.com/ChocoKpopOnlineShop
2. Get people to like the picture https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=532042526860661&set=a.531573333574247.1073741870.425493564182225&type=1&relevant_count=1

Picture with most likes win. The contest ends on the 25th of June 2013; so, if you happen to like B1A4 too, please do help me win. Thanks! ^^ (This is what we call shameless advertising)


I, at the age of 24; for the first time ever in my life joined something I myself consider childish and lame and just..I don't know...In short, its nothing the usual me would do. I have no idea what have gotten into me and I impulsively did join the contest. LOL~ I feel so crazy after I posted the picture and even ask myself 

"Are you sure you're subjecting yourself to this?" 

and I kind of said

"Hell, Yeah! I'm doing it, yolo right!" to myself for even questioning that...

However, there is something that I wrote to accompany the picture I posted. A poem. One I sincerely wrote for B1A4; not for the contest. I have liked the group for a while, except that I always hide my addiction since most of my friends are not into it. It something like Yumichika from Bleach, who hide his true Zanpakutou's ability from the reast of Gotei 13 because the rest of them aren't a fan of Kido... Something like that... Okay, not a good example. Hope you get it... HA. Apologies.

That aside, Its an acrostic poem; one that my previous creative writing lecturer taught me~ and this is it. It's verses are kinda weird, but I had to be "off" because I used their song titles from the first debut album's song title up to present to write it. So, my choice of words are kind of... restricted

"B1A4 JBSGC AND BANA FOREVER"

Beautiful target is who they are, and
1 does not simply not fall in love with
A group with a charmingly handsome leader and
4 flower boys that can conquer the world

Jinyoung's soothing melancholic voice to ease your mind
Baro's fun and bubbly beatboxes to lure you into their world
Sandeul's perfect vocal is the only one in the world
Gongchan's electric smile and aegyo to melt your heart, and
CNU's tall and strong frame to protect you from harm

All gorgeous words I could simply use to flatter them but
Nothing compares to the real person in the flesh
Dearest B1A4! BANA cherishes you!

Bling girl is the word to describe us,
A fandom of yours who are enchanted to meet you
Never a night has passed without "Jaljayo, Goodnight"
And we know it is going to be wonderful tonight!

For as long as eyes can see and ears can listen
One love will always be be our lullaby
Remember, you always have a speacial place in our heart
Even tomorrow and yesterday B1A4 is our good love!
Voices of angels, in the wind I'm sending my love
Etches with hope you'll say "Be my girl"
Random I might sound to end this, "I love you B1A4, Is that OK?"

I felt some sort of accomplishment after finishing it; because I managed to FINISH something I started. I am not able to finish all of my assignments yet; and hell, its gruesome. However, finishing this sort of give me an invincible conviction that "Hey, if I can do something challenging like this, I can do the rest of my assignments too! I definitely can!"

Thus, on the very day that I joined the said competition, I managed to finish my individual assignment (the one that I've been procrastinating since last month) which is to be submitted the day after. So yeah, I'm pretty happy and proud of myself. Self five!!!

The B1A4 boys whom I love

Thanks B1A4; on days like this, you're my savior!

Running Away

I am running away from whatever thats going on by going back home. Best place ever! When nobody else knows where I've been. =)

Appreciated

Its good to know that whatever I did personally is appreciated and acknowledged. It makes me feel that it was worth the sacrifice.

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

Which is why I should have never trusted them in the first place.

The series of unfortunate events

So, yesterday i pepared for a task that is to be presented today, and almost finished it at 3 am; then I slept.
I woke up at 10am just to read a notification that the class is cancelled.

Thsts not even the worst part.
The cancelled class is now replaced with another one; in which one that I plan on finishing tonight after the first presentation since I should be presenting that one tomorrow.

I have another 3 hours to finish whatever it is that I need to show today. I'm so blocked out of anything that I need to rant it out here. My god. I'm so screwed! but, its time to keep calm and do what needs be done.

Escapism

So I did everything I shouldn't be doing instead of what I should be doing...the story of my life~

Convince me

Why should I stay after enduring all the nasty talk?
Why should I stay after all the backstabbing?
Why should I stay after all the cynical smiles and laugh?
Why should I stay after being treated like an idiot?
Why should I stay after getting scolded  until my self esteem gone?
Why should I stay after being humiliated over the littlest  thing?
Why should I stay after being isolated all these time?
Why should I stay after  being ignored when I ask question?
Why should I stay after being rejected when I speak?
Why should I stay after being accused of incompetence when I actually am?
Why should I stay after always be the punching bag for other's mistake?
Why should I stay after always taking the fall?

Why should I stay after all these?

Why should I?

and If you were me, would you?

Catching Up

I met my hommies today and we talked for about 3 hours, telling stuff about our happenings in life and all.
It was great, but I was so immensely tired; because I didn't sleep the night before and I was half awake when I met her. Anyways, it was fun meeting friend, and talk about things that we can't actually say online...
So, yeah. I'm so happy, but bloody tired~ lol

Torn

Eating late at night is not good. Not good at all. But what can I do when I haven't eaten all day long?

Mighty hearts

And I choose to heal and not to hurt, to forgive and not to despise, to love and not to hate, to believe and not to wither. I choose to seek the sunshine and not to delve in the rain; and after the rain has stopped, the sun will surely shine again. (Mdm Rohaya, 2012)

Castle On a Cloud

I watched Les Miserables and I have no idea why; this song is haunting my thoughts. I hum to it, I sang to it, and I even draw the image of Cosette looking out of the window while holding a broomstick. The scene was so tremendously beautiful that I can even picture clearly in my mind.

There is a castle on a cloud,
I like to go there in my sleep,
Aren't any floors for me to sweep,
Not in my castle on a cloud.

There is a lady all in white,
Holds me and sings a lullaby,
She's nice to see and she's soft to touch,
She says "Cosette, I love you very much."

I know a place where no one's lost,
I know a place where no one cries,
Crying at all is not allowed,
Not in my castle on a cloud.

I like the way the character portrays the longing for a better place where she no longer will cry over anything, and theres a gentle person to hold her close and tuck her to bed. *Awww~ Cries*

I am still humming to it right now~

In the name of Love

I was in a slump today, I couldn't do anything. I can't even start writing my assignments and I simply lie there on my bed moping for hours. I finally pick up the phone and called my mum. I told her how I have been a lazyass and not doing anything at all. She said one thing; and in fact that is the only thing that ever say to me whenever I called her about my sudden mopig outbreak.

"Quit everything you're doing right now, shower, pray to god and recite Quran. When you're done, restart whatever you need to do. Okay? Now GO!"

I did. I guess that was the thing that I need, someone to push me into doing something "RIGHT NOW!!!"

Later, I had my dinner with a friend and I told her about my silly ordeal of refusing to wake up from bed and start doing things I should and what my mom told me. My friend didn't say anything and simply laugh along but when we was parting ways; she said this "Do appreciate her while she's still around. I lost mine when I was 21 & my dad when I was 13. It good to be able to call and tell her stuff when nobody else understands you."

I said I am sorry for being insensitive of her feelings but she said that she has already moved on accepted God's fate so there is nothing to be sorry about. She said in the future, she'll listen to her children's rant; the same way my mom did to me. I smiled and pats her shoulder, I said thanks and smile. I am glad to have such a cool friend.

Even though its a painful memory; I'll still gladly welcome them

This is the first time that I'm writing about a song. Today, my choice is this one because it completely speaks of my feelings at the moment. It is entitled On the Street by Sung Shi Kyung. I am not actually a fan of him, but I started to listen to some of his songs after watching 1 night 2 days. (I started watching 1N2D because of Joo Won, but he grows on me. Plus, I kinda stopped watching Joo Won after Level 7 Something; but his performance in Gaksital is marvelous). Sung Shi Kyung is so awkwardly adorable in that show.  However, the one and only song that ever touches my heart from the lots that he sung; the one that really connects to me is this one.

 The song alone is lovely; and Sung Shi Kyung's voice just nailed it. It's amazing, gorgeous and simply meaningful; and it makes me realize that no matter how painful a memory is, after sometime, that scarring memory is also a thing that we cherish and keep with us forever. Thank you for a lovely and heartbreakingly sweet song, Sung Shi Kyung. I will definitely look forward to your future projects. ^^

Food for thoughts

I've got a folder full of hundreds of pictures with food for thoughts, motivation and stuff like that. I read all that, but I still am incapable of doing anything at the moment. I'm so disappointed with my decision.